By Koray Hussein
I want to begin this update to our MEATmission review with one very simple statement:
I really want to like MEATmission.
The menu is littered with delicious sounding items from top to bottom, the interior design is about as original you can get without being obnoxious and they have the word MEAT in their name. Why wouldn’t I want to like this place?
After my first visit (which you can be read in full down below) I promised myself that I would revisit this place as it is impossible for the MEATmission that I had encountered could possibly be the same MEATmission that everybody is raving about.
So imagine my surprise when, unbeknownst to me, my friends booked a table at MEATmission for a pre-drinks (their drinks, I went home and edited approximately 5000* pictures) meal.
* This may be a slight exaggeration
I was the first to enter and grabbed our table before ordering a jug of water. After a brief moment, the server arrived with the jug and some glasses in hand. “Let me know if you need any more glasses” I was told, and knowing that there were five of us in total I extremely bloody quickly looked down at the glasses to see there were four…
This is the moment that I found out that our waiter was indeed Barry Allen from The Flash.
… Before I could say a word about needing another glass he was gone, which I found quite odd but figured he must be busy with all the other tables. I began to place the glasses around the table before noticing that one had a very bright orange crust on the inside of the glass (I’m assuming buffalo wing sauce?). So I got the attention of one of the workers and asked for a clean glass before being told “Well, all the glasses are properly washed the same way but I can replace it if you want.“….
Now, I want to make one thing very clear. When it comes to writing reviews about restaurants, cafes and generally anything that has workers, I try my best to be understanding and respectful… But I have to admit, I’m finding it impossible to understand being told that my glass was washed just like all the others, yet has a massive orange residue on the inside. Are you trying to tell me that all the glasses have been poorly cleaned? Are you trying to tell me that I have a very rare form of colourblindness where I see orange smudges in places where there are in fact, no orange smudges? Or are you trying to imply that I’m being slightly fussy because I do not wish to drink out of a glass which still contains 5% of somebody else’s meal?
I bit my tongue, asked for the glass to be replaced and waited for my friends to come in.
Here’s where we move on to the food…
The last time I visited MEATmission I went for the Dead Hippy and ended up being served an Alive Cow covered in mustard and salt so this time I went for the Buffalo Chicken burger, a side of fries and a portion of buffalo wings in the middle.
The burger was of a good quality (a hell of a lot better than the Dead Hippy) and had just the right amount of sauce but it was hard to really notice all that because it was, again too salty. So were the fries, but the wings were on a different level entirely. These bad boys were prepared perfectly and we’re right up there with the wings on offer at The Orange Buffalo and Chuck and I honestly don’t think I can think of a bad word to say about them.
We brought up the amount of salt in our food to one of the workers and were told “Yeah, our food is quite salty. Next time you should let us know before”…
… So back when I first reviewed these guys and said that this can’t be the MEATmission that everybody else bangs on about, it turns out, it is. I’m just not a fan at all.
I’ll end this (lengthy) update with this:
If you like your food with copious amounts of salt and served by staff who would rather diagnose you with color blindness than admit that they gave you a dirty glass then definitely give MEATmission a go. I’ll be across the street. At literally anywhere that isn’t MEATmission.
Originally Posted 19/02/15
By Koray Hussein
When sitting down to write up this review on Hoxton’s MEATmission, I wasn’t exactly sure whether to put it down as a separate review to the MEATliquor post that Esin wrote back in August or if I should just write this up as an update. I mean they’re both pretty much the same place but go by different names… In the end though, this is a different place to MEATliquor. The menu may be the same but the venue isn’t and neither are the chefs or staff, so it’s going down as a separate review.
Right. On with the review.
The interior of MEATmission is about as Illuminati (please don’t kill me reptile people!) as you can possibly get, which is to say dark, red and dare I say it… evil looking. It’s even finished off with a massive “all seeing eye” on the ceiling. It is far from gloomy though and if you can look past the devilishly red tint to almost everything, could be considered pretty. I wouldn’t go as far to say that I liked the interior of MEATmission, as it was a bit too dark for my tastes, but it was certainly interesting and had bags of character.
The seats made me feel like a toddler though, as they are just so damn high that your feet are dangling a good foot or two off of the edge. There are footrests connected to the underside of the table but there’s a much better footrest that I would have preferred to use… and it’s called The Floor… So seating wasn’t exactly that great either to be honest.
But all of this would be completely overlooked if MEATmission’s famous Dead Hippie burger was as amazing as I’ve read about online. I’ve seen the familiar phrase “Best Burger in London!” (a title that I have bestowed upon the glorious Dip & Flip) thrown around very often when discussing this bad boy and I was very eager to see what all the fuss was about… Sadly, I never saw it.
After only a few bites into the burger, I was almost left dumbstruck at how this could be the burger that so many people bang on about. Yes, the sauce was very flavourful and had a decent kick to it but why on earth was it so damn salty?! At first I thought it was just me, as I’m not too keen on salt anyway but my friend (who had ordered a simple bacon cheese burger) said the same thing without me even bringing it up. Thank God these guys serve large jugs of water as it was certainly needed.
In almost every burger joint I have visited I’ve been told that medium or medium rare are the two ideal ways to cook a burger, and after trying so many around the city, I’d have to agree. Honest Burgers have an extraordinary burger and don’t even get me started on the beautiful meat on offer at Patty & Bun, but the burger I ordered at MEATmission was as far away from “medium” as could possibly be, going past rare and leaning towards blue. The inside of the patty was well past pink and was a full on purple in the centre.
The fries were pretty tasty though and had a really nice crisp to them. The portions may not be as generous as Five Guys but were way more than enough, causing me to struggle towards the end. Quality wise though MEATmission simply leaves Five Guys in their dust.
All in all, I was extremely disappointed with what was on offer at MEATmission and honestly, I feel like I kind of have to go back and try them again at a later date. There is no way that so many people can love these guys if what I had was considered their normal standard of cooking.